What makes a nickname special? George Bagwell ranks all of the March Madness nicknames, 68-1.
Welcome back to year two. Nicknames are an integral part of March Madness. Without them, the proven best way to fill out a bracket wouldn’t exist. 68 mascots will patrol the sidelines this month, some better than others, some unoriginal, and some that will be witnesses to instant classics while watching through the eyes of a costumed dog, cat, or a literal kangaroo. Absolute insanity, y’all.
To rank these nicknames, two categorical metrics were used: originality and fun factor. Oh, and author bias. Just kidding. This is the most objective list to come out of March Madness in decades, clearly. This writer will be perpetually splitting hairs trying to figure out if a Golden Eagle is superior to a regular Eagle or if a cougar is the same subspecies as a Catamount. Spoiler alert, I won’t. This is a fun list for anyone tired of seeing analytics and stats regurgitated 24/7 on every major cable network until the search for a perfect bracket is finally and mercifully ended. It’s for those who want to drink through March and have a slight chuckle. I don’t know, really it’s for anyone who’s not a hoop head, or any hoop head with a sense of humor. Without further ado, the nickname ranking:
68-60: Any use of “Bulldog” or “Cougar”
This category eliminates Houston, College of Charleston, Drake, Yale, BYU, Washington State, Mississippi State, Gonzaga, and Samford. That’s due to a lack of originality. A lack of uniqueness. I understand that a lot of these names are over 100 years old. But we don’t make excuses in the March Madness nickname rankings. We make improvements. In a vacuum, do I like Cougars? Absolutely. But this is a nickname rankings list based on fun factor and originality. There’s nine different Bulldog and Cougar teams. There are literally dozens of different dog breeds. I could name at least seven. Why are we, as universities, stuck on Bulldogs? Drake or Samford, change to Pitbulls or something similar. Or just Pitbull, and open every home game with “Timber” or “Hustler’s Withdrawal.” (Real throwback there, y’all.) And Cougars, man. There’s so many other big cats. Jaguars, leopards, lions, ligers, tigers (more on that later), just pick a different one.
59-57: Any use of “Wildcat”
This category eliminates three teams: Arizona, Kentucky, and Northwestern. The term “Wildcat” is overused and vague, and if it weren’t for the quartet of Cougars and quintet of Bulldogs running around, the Wildcats would be last. Anything could be a wildcat. My cats back home, whom I love dearly, could be a wildcat. They are cats. And they’re wild. This is truly the most deserving of last place because there’s so many great alternatives. Lynx, bobcat (overused still but better), cat (domesticated), cat (feral), or really any specific species of cat. These schools couldn’t make up their mind, and it will cost them.
56-54: Any use of “Tiger”
This category eliminates Auburn, Grambling, and Clemson. The Tiger, unfortunately, is the most-used big cat nickname. Keep in mind that there are no “Jaguars” or “Lions” in this year’s March Madness. I do like Tigers, sure. They’re cool, powerful, and mindful of territory. But, in the college hoops world, they’re unoriginal.
53-52: Utah State and Texas A&M Aggies
I’ve never understood this name. “Aggies?” What are we doing here? It’s like, “ooh, look at us, the Texas A&M/Utah State Agricultural Students.” That’s literally what “Aggie” is short for. Agricultural student. That has got to be the lamest nickname in the history of college sports. It’s in the same category as the Oakland Athletics or Washington Football Team. (Is it bad to say I enjoyed the “Football Team” era more than the Commanders moniker? The name “Football Team” made me want to root for Washington, that’s how absurd it was.)
51-50: James Madison and Duquesne Dukes
This is actually a good nickname, and it’s one I think is original, cool, and marketable. The only issue is that they’re two of them. There’s two Dukes, or three Dukes, if you count Duke. James Madison and Duquesne are victims of their own success. Who would have thought Duquesne was going to make the tournament as well? (Insert the DJ Khaled “suffering from success” meme.) I like this nickname, I really do. It’s a Greek tragedy that the Dukes have a duplicate in the tournament, otherwise this nickname would place a lot higher.
49-48: NC State Wolfpack and Nevada Wolf Pack
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with this one. They sound the same, and almost look the same. But “Wolfpack” could be plural, and “Wolf Pack” is definitely a singular noun. Does NC State have multiple Wolfpack? If so, do the different wolfpack have beef with each other? Are they fighting for territory? Is Nevada a more driven team due to the fact that they only have one pack to go around? It’s questions like these that I don’t need to be asking and certainly don’t have an answer for. But since these technically aren’t the same name, they’ll be slotted above the other “two-timer” nicknames.
47: Colgate Raiders
Spoiler alert, but Texas Tech is right below Colgate in these rankings. Below? Above? I’m not sure of the proper preposition in this context. But “Raider” is such a vague term for an occupation. Are they Raiders in the pirate sense? That wouldn’t make sense since Colgate is in Madison County, New York. Are they Raiders in the petty theft sense? The “steal a PopTart from the corner 7/11” sense? There’s no way of knowing unless Colgate comes out with a statement about their nickname and a more specific description. My hands are tied.
46: Texas Tech Red Raiders
What differentiates a Red Raider from a Raider? In Texas Tech’s eyes, just the color of a jersey. For real. They used to be the Matadors, a much cooler (and original) nickname, but one day decided to wear new red jerseys, and the moniker stuck. Now it’s 2024, and they’re tied together with Colgate in the mid-40s of these rankings just because they decided to change their name after a uniform fashion statement. Sad times.
45: Morehead State Eagles
Much like the two teams above in the rankings, Morehead State is the “non-specific variant” of the two schools’ nicknames, being simply the “Eagles,” with no indication of what species of bird it actually is. It could be Golden, Bald, Harpy, Philippine, White-tailed, Crowned, or various other eagle subspecies. We will never know, all because Morehead State went the lazy route and settled with the entire Accipitridae family of birds. Potential wasted.
44: Marquette Golden Eagles
I applaud Marquette for specifying the type of Eagle they’ve chosen to represent their athletic teams. But since the name is partially connected to Morehead State, my hands are tied up with bureaucratic red tape. I also think it’s weird that Maruqette chose a bird that’s not a year-round resident of the Wisconsin area. They’re in Wisconsin, sure, but in the non-nesting season before they move further west. Maybe when Marquette was first created, the Golden Eagle population was endemic, but no longer? If that’s the case, I blame habitat destruction for Marquette coming in at No. 44 in this year’s rankings.
43: Alabama Crimson Tide
I had to do some research here, because I didn’t know what the Crimson Tide actually was. Can I be blamed? Their mascot is an elephant. A lot of nicknames originating from over a half-century ago are either generic, like “tiger” or “bulldog”, but there’s also a good chunk that just don’t make sense. This is one of those. It’s over 100 years old, based on a description of a football game that ended in a 6-6 tie. Absolute insanity. Nothing makes sense, ever.
42: Purdue Boilermakers
This one gets points for being unique, but it’s also just sort of lame. Boilermaker? Did Purdue just look around campus and pick the first thing they saw to be their nickname forever? This is just such a lame nickname, and the mascot could scare people. He’s horrible, and I hate him. Part of me wanted to put Purdue in dead last just to justify my hate for Purdue Pete. I dislike Purdue in general, but it’s only because of their lame nickname and scary mascot. He looks so human and so alien at the same time. His eyes could stare into my soul from a mile away. He could end up in my nightmares, and he’s the only reason I haven’t watched a single Purdue game all season. Those are the only reasons, but I feel like I’m justified.
41: Nebraska Cornhuskers
Much like Purdue, there’s just so much wasted potential here. “Cornhuskers?” Maybe not anymore, but Nebraska used to be a huge brand. One of the original “blue bloods.” One of my theories is that if they had named themselves “Eagles,” “Cowboys,” or anything other than “Cornhuskers,” they’d have stayed a national power. We’d be talking about the “Nebraska Eagles” right now in the same vein as the Alabama Crimson Tide. Instead, Nebraska has fallen off athletically in recent decades, and it’s because of the lame nickname. To be fair, I’m a huge fan of this Nebraska team, and I have them beating Houston in the Round of 32. Big Keisei Tominaga guy. But “Cornhuskers” really just doesn’t do it for me.
40: Vermont Catamounts
I give Vermont a bit of leniency for their nickname, but don’t be fooled. They are a cougar in disguise. Yes, arguably the best type of cougar, but still. A catamount is a cougar. Same species, same animal. They don’t even live in Vermont. The logo is cool, sure, but I can’t in good conscience put Vermont any better on this ranking knowing that there’s almost a handful of other cougar teams. If you’re going to copy a big cat but slightly change the name, at least make it one that’s endemic to the region the university is in, like a bobcat or something. I will classify anything larger than a house cat as a big cat, for future reference.
39: Akron Zips
There are two things that keep Akron afloat in this list. One is that they have a kangaroo as a mascot, which is hilarious. Akron might be the furthest spot on the globe away from Australia. The second is that “Zips,” objectively, is a unique name. It’s just a horrible name. “Why the hate?,” one might ask. Because “Zip” is not some quirky name for a local animal or inhabitant of Akron. It’s short for “Zippers.” Like, the thing that moves up and down through a series of metal interlocking projections, per Oxford languages. Horrible. Simply sickening as a nickname. Imagine zipping up a coat on a snowy morning, then jumping up and cheering for it for three hours straight while you continue to zip and unzip. I imagine that’s what Akron football games feel like. The kangaroo is a nice touch, though. I do appreciate that the Akron athletic department is self-aware.
38: Dayton Flyers
It’s unique, yes. It comes from the Wright Brothers, Dayton natives Orville and Wilbur, who are credited with the invention of motor flight. Here’s the thing: the Wright Brothers aren’t cool. It’s not really their fault, but there’s definitely a cap on how cool one can get with the name Orville or Wilbur. Wilbur especially. I think of the pig from Charlotte’s Web (shoutout E.B. White!) when I hear that name. Two more things. One, anyone familiar with the North Carolina license plate knows that it boasts the “first in flight” motto. That’s because the Wright Brothers intentionally left Ohio just to fly a plane. Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, is the real birthplace of flight. Second, the Wright Brothers are indirectly responsible for all of those Boeing plane mishaps occurring lately. If they don’t innovate with the motored plane, none of those airplane doors are flying off right now, and that’s a fact. I also blame Woodrow Wilson for that, but that’s another discussion.
37: North Carolina Tar Heels
Hate me all you want, fine. But Tar Heels is just kind of an odd nickname. It originated as a term for people from the state of North Carolina, first popularized during the Civil War amongst confederate soldiers from the state, so first off, miss me with that. I’m not trying to endorse that. But in a modern sense, it’s been the nickname of UNC since the Daily Tar Heel was created in the 1890s. I think it’s weird that this nickname is two words. “Tar Heels” should be “Tarheels.” This name falls in the same category as “Hawkeyes,” “Jayhawks,” and “Cornhuskers.” The “another name for a person from the state” trope has to be retired as nickname fodder. It produces original names, but is unoriginal as a concept.
36: Duke Blue Devils
Duke’s not getting off easy, either. Since when are devils blue? Every painting I’ve ever seen with a devil in it, mostly Italian renaissance pieces, have devils in a red hue or sometimes white or black. But never blue. Are there devils near Durham, North Carolina? Inside the research triangle? I don’t know, I’m not a theologist. Y’all have to hear the story of how the name came to be, though. It’s based off of a nickname for the French Chasseurs Alpins, basically the French version of Canada’s Mounties, which is the Canadian version of American park rangers. But unlike America’s park rangers, the Chasseurs Alpins are also elite fighting units. Possibly the scariest Frenchmen out there. I give out extra credit for uniqueness, but that is such a random idea to grab inspiration from.
35: Michigan State Spartans
The Spartans and Trojans are simply overused civilizations when it comes to sport nicknames. I think I discussed this last year, but why not use “Phonecians” or “Carthaginians,” or maybe “Venetians.” We could be rooting for the Michigan State Andalusians or the Michigan State Byzantines right now. But for some reason, every athletic department is entranced by the Spartans and Trojans. There’s so many other good options, and I ding the Spartans major points for lack of originality.
34: Baylor Bears
I’m actually surprised Baylor made it this far. There are no bears in Waco, unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your opinion on bears. I have no way of knowing what type of bear we’re even talking about. We could be talking about polar bears or sun bears due to the vagueness of the nickname. We could be talking about grizzly bears or spectacled bears. Is a panda a bear? I can never remember if it’s the giant panda or red panda that’s technically not a bear. But whichever one is a bear is one that could be the Baylor nickname. I’m big on specificity. Baylor has to specify the bear if they want to be higher on this list.
33: Kansas Jayhawks
Kansas should be thanking their lucky stars. Last year, I grouped this nickname in with Hawkeyes and Redhawks, because I couldn’t figure out how any of them were different. But in short, a Jayhawk is a mix between a blue jay and a sparrow hawk, so it’s really not even a real bird. I love real birds. I hate fake birds. They’re just trying to emulate a bird, and you can’t emulate a bird. Anyone following the Boeing fiasco knows that. Either be a bird, or stop trying.
32: Tennessee Volunteers
This one falls under the “another name of a person from the state” trope, so I have to ding points. Tennessee is the Volunteer State, earning the moniker after multiple wars with Mexico in which Tennessee sent over volunteer units. As such, the university has named their teams the Volunteers. It’s the same rote method of name-choosing that plagued us earlier in the list with names like Jayhawks, Tar Heels, and Cornhuskers.
31: McNeese State Cowboys
I like McNeese as a program and a location, nestled in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Unfortunately, I don’t like the Dallas Cowboys, and that brings this team down in the rankings. (There’s also a bunch of really good names this year, so even if I was a Dallas fan, they’d still be around 24-20, max.) I think Cowboys in the Deep South is a cool, niche topic. But it’s kind of generic in terms of sports’ nicknames. One of the biggest franchise brands in all of the globe is also the Cowboys. I like that their unofficial nickname is the Pokes, but I also hate the Dallas Cowboys, so McNeese slides in at 31.
30: Illinois Fighting Illini
I think the Illini are cool, paying homage to the local Native American tribes in the area. It’s a unique nickname and it is geographically in tune. It makes sense since the name “Illinois” comes from an indigenous language.
29: Grand Canyon Antelopes
Are antelopes cool? Objectively, yes. I’m a fan of antelopes. They’re speedy herbivores, like the vegan sprinter of the animal world. Do they fit into GCU’s geographic footprint? Absolutely, the pronghorn is native to the area. “Why are they so low on this list?,” one might ask. Because I made a clerical error, and am just now realizing it. So it’s my bad, y’all. Sorry, Grand Canyon fans. Y’all have a cool mascot. I just entered your name in the wrong spot in my spreadsheet. It happens. I’ll bake y’all cookies if you would like, as an apology.
28: Oakland Golden Grizzlies
I give the Oakland Golden Grizzlies points for specifying the type of bear, as well as choosing a unique name. The issue is that the Golden Grizzly never inhabited the Rochester, Michigan area. How are we supposed to believe the Golden Grizzlies are truly representative of this school? Oakland, California maybe. But Oakland County, Michigan? No way. I’m also scared of Grizzlies. It’s one of two animals I fear actively.
27: Iowa State Cyclones
I am interested in tropical weather formation and hurricanes. I think a hurricane or cyclone, maybe even a tropical storm would make a good nickname. I do have two qualms about Iowa State being the cyclones, however. The first is that they’re named the Cyclones, which is the Indian Ocean and South Pacific Ocean variant of the weather system. Iowa State, geographically, would be much closer to hurricane territory than cyclone territory. But I can forgive that. What I can’t forgive is that they’re nowhere near hurricane territory, either. What is a team like Iowa State doing picking a tropical weather system as a nickname? They’re not tropical or even close to a body of water. They’re completely landlocked. I don’t get it.
26: St. Mary’s Gaels
This is a bit of an odd one at first glance, but it makes sense. A Gael is a person of Gaelic (Scottish, Irish, Isle of Man) ethno-linguistic descent, I think. I’m not entirely sure what that encompasses, but that’s historically a very Catholic area. St. Mary’s is a Catholic university. It fits. That’s also why Iona are the Gaels. I learn something new every day.
25: Montana State Bobcats
The bobcat is such a tricky creature. It looks small enough to own as a pet, is soft enough to own as a pet, but it’s a dangerous wild animal. The bobcat is found basically everywhere in the United States, outside of Mid-Atlantic large cities at least, though they are two distinct species east and west of the Great Plains. The bobcat is not scared of humans, and can adapt to semi-urban and urban areas. They give off strong basketball IQ vibes, like the opossum or raccoon of the cat world. Big fan of the Bobcats, and it fits really well with Montana State.
24: Texas Longhorns
I have to respect Texas for specifying the type of cow that they happen to be named after. The longhorn. There’s a definite specification on the type of bovine they revere. I enjoy eating a good steak. But there’s a definite oddity about making a nickname based on something you eat. UConn fans (hopefully) don’t eat huskies. Arizona fans (hopefully) don’t eat wildcats. I really hope McNeese fans don’t eat Cowboys. It’s just an odd dynamic to cheer for something you’re going to eat later.
23: Creighton Bluejays
Creighton’s big miss here is the misspelling of “Blue Jays.” “Bluejays” is what occurs when a team cuts corners. When a team doesn’t consult a local ornithologist. I could have warned them, told them “hey, it’s two words.” But as they often do, my words fell on deaf ears. Blue jays aren’t even cool birds. They attack other birds at the bird feeder and have a shrill call that I don’t like. At the end of the day, they’re a bird nickname, which means I have to respect it. But if it were up to me, I would have chosen a different bird and spelled the name correctly.
22: Florida Atlantic Owls
The Owls have different problems compared to the above “Bluejays.” The owl is a great bird for a nickname. It’s wise, occasionally nocturnal, and gets rid of pests at a very high rate. They are the physical point guards of the bird world, similar to Russell Westbrook or Ja Morant. Owls are found all over the United States, including in Florida, where I’ve seen an owl there myself. But there are so many types of owls, including but not limited to: barn owl, barred owl, great horned owl, snowy owl, and others. I don’t know what type of Owl it is that Florida Atlantic is wanting to represent. Without knowing, my mind can choose the owl, but also can’t confirm the owl. It’s a paradox that keeps on giving.
21: Virginia Cavaliers
When one thinks of a cavalier, the mind wanders to a man with a mustache and sword, typically. Some very strong Three Musketeers vibes, maybe. When I think of a cavalier, I think of mid-career Ricky Rubio or Euroleague point guards, preferably ones that can see open passing lanes like they have a third or fourth eye and can move the sword with the grace of a migrating swan. There’s something so “basketball” about a cavalier that I just have to love it as a nickname.
20: Colorado State Rams
Like I said last year, the ram is simply one of the more underrated animals in the American database. They can survive harsh conditions, have an incredible set of horns, and run full-speed into each other. That’s cool, objectively. What better animal to use as a sports nickname? Sure, it probably fits better with a football team, but we’ll take it. Up the rams.
19: Oregon Ducks
Ducks are cool because there’s simply so many different types of them. Some of them are colorful, and some are not. Some quack, and some don’t. Some dive for prey in the water, and others may not. Some live at the local park, where they get fed by geriatrics. My only qualm is Oregon not specifying the duck, but I will say that if they were to specify the duck, it could mess up the feng shui of the name. “Oregon Wood Ducks” or “Oregon Mallards” wouldn’t roll off the tongue as well, so I’ll give them a pass.
18: Boise State Broncos
Broncos are a very solid representation of the Idaho vibe, I think. I’ve never been to Idaho before, but it seems similar. A wild horse that is simply allowed to run wherever it pleases. There’s something beautiful about that.
17: Wisconsin Badgers
The badger could be a misunderstood creature. He’s naturally curious, but almost gives off a domestic vibe, like you could take one on a walk. I don’t think that’s possible. A badger can be a vicious animal if provoked, and some people forget about that. They have teeth. But I did see this one video on Twitter where a coyote and badger teamed up to scavenge, and I thought it was heart-warming. The Badger is a unique, solid nickname, and I love it.
16: Howard Bison
It took me a while (until I was almost done writing the rankings) to realize the Bison and the Buffaloes were still on the list awaiting ranking. I can’t just send Howard and Colorado to the back of the rankings, though, because that wouldn’t be nice. I’ll find a loophole to the “double nickname rule” in a few seconds. Here goes. Despite the fact that the Bison and Buffalo nicknames chosen are intended to refer to the same animal, the Bison and Buffalo are two different animals. The Bison is the herbivorous bovine that roams around parts of the American west. The Buffalo is a more generic term for a lot of different bovine species, some in Asia and Africa. I don’t know why I need an excuse to find a loophole, because I’m the one doing both the ranking and the rules. I could just include them at No. 16 and Colorado a couple spots down and simply not need to adhere to any self-created rules.
15: Wagner Seahawks
This is partially because I grew up by the water, but for those that don’t know, a Seahawk is another name for an osprey, my favorite bird of prey. They dive into the water to grab fish, and it’s really fun to watch. They are wise birds, which in my opinion is the best sub-category of nicknames. They’re also part-time residents of New York, which gives Wagner points for being geographically correct.
14: Colorado Buffaloes
What better nickname than “Buffaloes?” To be fair, there’s 13 of them below in this ranking, but this is just objectively a good fit for the Colorado institution. My dad (first time I’ve brought him up in a piece before, I think) really wanted to see a live buffalo a few years ago, but unforeseen circumstances prevented him from actually seeing the buffalo. But I have faith that he will eventually see it. The Buffalo represents Colorado well. Big fan.
13: South Carolina Gamecocks
This one’s fun. At the football games, one side of the stadium yells “game” and the other side yells “cocks.” It’s silly and fun. That’s everything one could want in a nickname. Sure, it’s not intimidating. But it doesn’t need to be. It just needs to bring the fanbase together and create good vibes, and “Gamecocks” certainly delivers on that, plus it’s unique. This nickname is a winner, and this list is officially a Gamecock appreciation post.
12: Saint Peter’s Peacocks
Very much similar to the Gamecocks, the Peacock nickname is simply a silly and fun name. There are no peacocks native to New York, but I’ll let it slide because of the above admission that it’s simply a silly and fun name. I know that South Carolina does the “Game…cocks” cheer, but I need to know if Saint Peter’s does a similar chant. For example, the right side of the gym says “Pea…” and the left side of the gym responds with “…cocks.” I will show up to a game just to figure out. The birds themselves are colorful and display fantastical plumage. Just an all-around beautiful bird whom I love.
11: Florida Gators
This isn’t so much about originality as it is fit and fun factor, with a dash of personal bias. I’m a big fan of the American Alligator. Love the alligator. I would wrestle one, but I respect the sanctity of the animal, and my toes and fingers. Gators are at the top of the food chain, but they hold respect for their ecosystem. They don’t attack humans unprovoked, they give warning if they are provoked, and they’re truly relics. They’ve been in America for over 8 million years, which is just proof of how durable they are. I have nothing but love in my heart for the alligator. Florida is the alligator capital of the world, so it makes perfect sense that this school has chosen the best reptile ever to represent the university.
10: South Dakota State Jackrabbits
When I was a child, I was frightened of the Jackalope from the Lunchables commercial. To this day, I’ve never had a Lunchable. That thing is a monstrosity. Jackrabbit and an antelope? No, thank you. That’s something odd. But a regular jackrabbit? It’s cool, it’s specific, it’s localized, and it works great with South Dakota. Big fan of nicknames that get the job done. The jackrabbit encapsulates South Dakota State perfectly.
9: Longwood Lancers
Do you know what’s objectively cool? Dudes with lances on horses. Admitting that jousting seems cool gives off a bit of a nerd vibe, but it must be explained. Dudes with long sticks charging at other dudes with long sticks while riding a horse. How is that not cool? Don’t answer. I hate to think that horses ever died in battle, because that’s an unnecessary evil that never should have happened. But two dudes riding horses at each other with long sticks is simply a vibe.
8: Long Beach State Beach
The Beach used to be the 49ers. Now, they’re just “Beach.” I like that a lot more. “Long Beach State Beach” is just so comical to me. That’s 50% “Beach.” Imagine “New York City York” instead of the Knicks. If I was the Long Beach State athletic department, I’m certainly all onboard with this name. Just really embracing the beach. I love this. Although I hate that the AD tried to take credit for Monson’s run by saying the firing of him was on purpose to get the team energized. I don’t really understand that from a PR standpoint. Long live Dan Monson.
7: San Diego State Aztecs
The Aztecs are a very under-utlized civilization when it comes to team nicknames. Every other athletic department has chosen the Vikings, or Trojans, or Spartans. San Diego State is out here showing the Aztecs some love, and I’m here for it. The black and red color scheme is fantastic, the logo is great, and the Aztec name really fits the sunny SoCal vibe. Just an overall great nickname for the team and area.
6: TCU Horned Frogs
I mentioned this in last year’s rankings, but the only reason this name isn’t higher is because a Horned Frog is actually a lizard. It’s not a frog, and I would typically ding them more points for that type of mistake, but I can understand it. People in the South will call things the way they look, and I’m guilty of that, too. A horned lizard does look like a frog. And this horned lizard shoots blood out of its eyes when it feels the need. That is insane. Blood. From the eyes. Pure insanity. The official word for it is autohaemorrhaging, and that only adds to the equation. Imagine having a team mascot that auothaemorrhages. TCU can say that they do.
5: Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
This is a rare “area demonym” nickname that I actually like. It originated from the fact that the university sits atop a hill. Simple and easy, yet effective, like nicknames probably should be. I know this isn’t a mascot ranking, but they also have “Big Red,” the red blob mascot you’ve probably seen before. It’s a unique name for a unique situation, and the women’s basketball team is called the Lady Toppers. I think the combination of all these branding decisions is definitely enough for a top five finish, moving up closer to the top of these rankings, coming in just ahead of the Frogs and behind the Lobos of New Mexico. Sorry for the spoiler alert, but I’m going to assume the spacing in this article is thin enough to where the reader can see who the next team is anyway.
4: New Mexico Lobos
I love Spanish representation in basketball, especially at the college ranks. The game has become, and of course still is, becoming increasingly international, which I love. The more people that have access to a basketball, the better the sport becomes. The Lobos of New Mexico (“wolves” in Spanish, for those that do not know) have had the carnivorous moniker for over 100 years, and it fits in every way. Gray wolves are endemic to the area, the Lobo name is far and away one of the more unique nicknames in college sports (only two other American colleges have the name, neither of which are D-1), and, at the risk of sounding like an etymologist, the double “o” sound in a two-syllable word really enhances the way it rolls off the tongue.
3: UAB Blazers
This is one nickname where one can really imagine the nickname for what they believe it to be. It’s versatile. Officially, the Blazers are a dragon, which is a creative twist on the mythical creature, instead of just calling the program “Dragons”. But there are other ways to interpret the name. One could think of blazers as the type of formal suit, if they think that way. Or, one could think blazers in the sense of enjoying a bit of marijuana. No matter who is looking for a way to encapsulate the blazer spirit, it’s possible.
2: UConn Huskies
I’m not the biggest fan of dogs, but I like them. I hate that expression, though. Saying “I’m not the biggest fan” of something automatically insinuates that I hate that thing. But that’s simply not true. I love opossums and alligators, but I’m not the biggest fan of them. That’s because somewhere out there, there’s a person with a pet opossum and matching opossum curtains with an opossum-themed bedroom. I’m not trying to be “the biggest fan” of anything, because there’s a threshold there that doesn’t need to be crossed. The gap in love for opossums between the biggest fan and maybe the 10th-biggest fan is bigger than the gap between the 10th-biggest fan and the 1,000th-biggest fan. This goes for anything really. All metrics to determine the “biggest fan” of something would look a lot like an exponential growth graph. I wouldn’t want to meet the world’s biggest opossum fan. I don’t think we’d have a lot in common.
In terms of Huskies, they’re just fun guys. They’ve won the Iditarod, what, 51 years in a row? That’s a streak I don’t think will be beaten. They’re friendly, and they give off vibes of having a good basketball IQ. The old UConn logo, from 2002-2013, is my favorite logo, ever, and that’s a huge deal. If the next nickname wasn’t so unique and such a funny story, UConn would be first on this list with their “Husky” moniker. I love this nickname, and it makes me want to cheer for UConn.
1: Stetson Hatters
The No. 1 spot goes to the Hatters of DeLand, Florida. The university’s namesake, John B. Stetson, actually invented the modern cowboy hat. If you see a really good cowboy hat soon, think of Stetson. The university was originally just called DeLand Academy, but the cowboy hat man (Stetson) donated tons of money to it, so they renamed it Stetson, and their mascot is named “John B.,” like the main character of Outer Banks but very much not the same person. The official athletic nickname is the Hatters, and they’ve got a “Hatter Hall,” a “Hatter Harvest,” and a hat as a logo. They’ve just really embraced the inventor of the cowboy hat to the absolute maximum, and I love that.